Who woulda thunk it?

Definitely did not think I would be in this place at the moment.

My Visa still hasn't come, so I am waiting. With not much patience, I must admit. I don't know if I've ever been this stressed out in my life. Here I am--everything in my life has been sold, I have no bed, I am living out of two suitcases, I have a plane ticket for tonight that I can't use, I have a flat (already paid for!) waiting for me in London that I can't get to, school is supposed to start on Monday, as of today I have nowhere left to live in TN.... this pretty much sucks. What do you do when you're at the end of your rope? Well I assure you I've already been praying... And I WILL be going to London no matter what-- it's just a frustrating matter of time. I really hope I can find more patience within the next couple of days...

On a lighter note, I had the most amazing going away party imaginable. It's so nice to know that I have the greatest friends and family in the world. The cops told me my house was "over capacity"... Who knew houses had a capacity??? It was soooo good seeing everyone. And I thank them all for the lovely presents and cards...Jimmy for the pineapple, Sarah for the hemp necklace, Nicole for the framed picture, Timmy for the moola (unnecessary!), everyone else for the cards and ridiculous amount of bottles of wine. :) It literally brought tears to my eyes thinking about how much I will miss everyone. But like I've been telling people-- Good friends are the ones that no matter how much distance and time is put between you, when you see that person again, it's like nothing has changed. I know that's how it will be when I see everyone again. Love you all.

Now let me out of this country right now!!! (see.. I am so patient. :))

like a riot

10 days left in tennessee, 6 days left waiting tables, 3 going away parties to go, lots of packing to be had, some yard sellin' to do, a reading list to destroy, but, most importantly, lots of living left to do before I leave this place I call home. This next week and a half is going to be so bittersweet.

I've thought about it and I don't think there is anything I would change about my life if I could, except possibly having a tad bit more money, but even then I just don't know. Being broke has and probably will continue to force me to experience some very interesting situations. My car is literally falling apart before my eyes. I would prefer it to last me 10 more days if possible and then I will never own a car again unless forced to.

Life is just good though, ya know?

but you can dip your feet every once in a little while

It worked itself out.

Oh my.

I leave in 17 days. My loan came through. Waiting on my Visa but it shouldn't be too long. I found a flat with Claire. It's a ten-minute walk to school. It's affordable. And I'm going to be living in the center of London. What? Could not be happier at this moment. The other flatmates seem awesome so far. All creative types as well so this is going to exciting! :)

I have to admit I am quite exhausted from working and every day that I am there, I am counting down until my last day. I do try to make it enjoyable though. There's a weird state of delirium I enter after working all the time. I just become goofy. I mean..not that I'm not already.. but, ya know... it's fun.

So much left to do before I go, but trying not to stress over it. Really trying to just enjoy my last couple of weeks here with my friends and family. I feel like I'm so busy working and planning that hanging with my friends has been a task. People keep trying to plan stuff with me and it's not that I don't want to hang... I really do! I just am that busy right now. Which kind of stinks. The next two saturdays are going away parties. It is going to be very difficult to say goodbye....because I am a big cheesehead.

Been writing music lately. It feels sooo good when I make time to do so. I am convinced it is a form of crack.

No Stress, No Stress, Decompress

This has been quite the trying week for me. Still no status on my loan. I was sitting in my bathtub the other day, drinking pinot noir, smoking a cigarette, wearing red lipstick....okay not really...let's try this again-- I was sitting in the bathtub the other day, drinking my cup of coffee, ya know, the usual... and all of the sudden I just broke down and started bawling my eyes out... A very straight out of a movie kind of thing...This continued for a good five minutes. Then all of the sudden I snapped out of it. Like clockwork really. And I thought "What the heck am I doing?"... I mean, yeah this London stuff is pretty depressing, especially if it doesn't work out... but there is no reason to cry over it. I guess it did feel good though. I don't cry often, so maybe those tears needed to get out of my system....I dunno. But I have decided to not let it get me down again. It's frustrating, but as everyone around me has been saying 'everything happens for a reason'. I just need to figure out the reason for these things. What is the reason for getting accepted to my dream school, or going to NYC for ten days to plan my postgrad move there just to find out in the airport I got into this grad school and the past ten days had been irrelevant...or maybe they aren't? I will figure it all out. Soon enough. I don't really have a choice... My flight is twenty days away.

Maybe I am a bit analytical, but I always wonder about these things... why things happen the way they do. One particular thought on my mind all summer has been regarding the people I've met. Practically living in Nashville all summer, I have met and grown close to so many wonderful people. And I always think 'how did I not meet these awesome people sooner?'... Or is there a reason why I've met them if there is indeed a reason for everything? What am I going to take away from this meeting with this person? When will our paths cross again? If they don't ever, is there some thing that I've learned from this person that will stay with me the rest of my life? I know I'm rambling... but this is really something I think about all the time. I cherish my friendships so much. Even if I am about to leave and potentially not see that person for a long time...or possibly ever again... It is still worth the time put into it. Most of these questions I don't know the answer for, but that is the one thing I do know for sure.

This summer really has been amazing. I always want to blog about the specifics but tend to stick with the general, but if i could explain the day-to-day specifics of my life and the amazing times I have, then maybe the jist would get across. I am lucky. Period. So blessed and so truly thankful for it all. Right after I finished filling my bathtub up with tears the other day, my phone practically blew up... My mom called, my sissy called...several of my friends text me to make sure I was okay. Simply that happening made me feel like a slight fool for crying. Such wonderful people surround me. Blessed is all there is to it.

Off to spend the day at Holiday World with my buddy Eric. Take in the sun and decompress. Not to mention that fact that ROADTRIPS ARE AWESOME! Especially when you've got a good playlist. ;)

When I am that cute old lady.

I have done everything in my power to follow my dream of going to this dang grad school in London and although I feel like it's going to happen (because I am overly optimistic about everything all the time), I still know that there is a slight possibility that everything might not turn out quite as hoped for... and this sucks... and I hate even admitting it... but it could happen...

So. I joke around about moving to Paris and living above Shakespeare and Company. But, in all seriousness, I am going to do something. Something enjoyable. I refuse to look back and have regrets. I don't want to stay here. I want to leave. I crave adventure. I crave meeting interesting people. Seeing interesting places. Doing things I've never done or ever imagined that I would do. Growing old? Pshaw. I want my body to grow old eventually, yes. I want to be that super cute old lady. But I want my heart to stay the same. I always want to want. Desire to do the unimaginable. Life is simply too short. I don't mean 'want' as in want what I can't have and not ever be content; I just never want to be content with settling into what I don't want. And what is content to me is wanting more and reaching for that want. Adventure. On this massive, beautiful place we call Earth. It is just so beautiful and there is so much out there to experience. I can't just sit back and let it pass me by.

So whatever happens happens, right? Whatever that saying means... Let's rephrase-- Whatever happens on whichever path my life leads me is going to be amazing and adventurous and I am not going to have any regrets...when I am that cute old lady...