I laid on the trampoline for a while today under the sun. It's such a good feeling. I don't think it's possible for someone to lay under the sun, absorbing it all in, and not be completely content. I know I mentioned this in my last post, but the closer I keep getting to moving to London is giving me such an interesting feeling. On the one hand, I am sad that I am leaving my family and friends and...well, I think that is really all I am sad about. It is also going to be exhilarating for many reasons. If you know me, you probably know that I am a ridiculous packrat. I keep everything... I feel like it all has sentimental value to me... But, whether I like it or not, I am going to have to get rid of a LOT of stuff.. and by a lot, I mean the majority of it. I can't take it with me. Which scares the heck out of me, but I know will also be one of the nicest feelings ever... hm.
I was talking to someone the other day and they were asking me how long I would be gone... implying that I would eventually be coming back... but I don't think I ever will. I mean, I really have no idea what the future holds for me, so I might? But I really don't think so... Of course I'll be back to visit-- that's not what I mean.. but to live ? I just don't think this is where I belong. And, to be honest, I don't know if I really belong any particular place. Knowing me, I wouldn't be surprised if I move around for the rest of my life... There's just so much to see out there. Does anyone else out there feel the same way as me?? Sometimes I feel alone in these thoughts... hm.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Is this really happening?
Today was a very good day and tonight (now 2:10am..) is going to be even better. : )
Worked my butt off at the restaurant. It was craaazy. Tonight was "En Fuego"...which equals sexy salsa dancers running into you while you're trying to bring them drinks. Eddie George rubbed up against me... ha. EVERYONE comes to this restaurant.
The good news is I've been making lots of money and have been able to save a lot of it for London.
You have no idea how stoked I am about leaving. The whole idea of such a big change still seems surreal...
Worked my butt off at the restaurant. It was craaazy. Tonight was "En Fuego"...which equals sexy salsa dancers running into you while you're trying to bring them drinks. Eddie George rubbed up against me... ha. EVERYONE comes to this restaurant.
The good news is I've been making lots of money and have been able to save a lot of it for London.
You have no idea how stoked I am about leaving. The whole idea of such a big change still seems surreal...
Friday, May 21, 2010
Happy Happy Joy Joy
When I got home last night I was not up for typing much... Two long island iced teas mixed with a looong day at work made me uber sleepy.
It was a fantastic day though. This was the first time I've worked a morning shift at the restaurant and I must say that it is very tempting to switch all of my shifts to mornings. It has been difficult working in the not-friendly-at-all atmosphere of the evenings...and, let me tell ya, the daytimers are alot more cheerful. The change was remarkable. Plus-- I realized that the whole "let's be snooty thing" going on in the evenings is not just in my mind-- another girl, also new, has realized the exact same thing. Kinda makes me feel a little better, I guess? I mean, not that this poor girl is going through the same thing as me, but the simple fact that I'm not just crazy... ha.
After work last night, I had a blast with two of my favorite friends. : ) Both of whom subscribe to my blog... true friendship there! ha! I really do love those boys.
Now-- this is going to get really cheesy for a moment, but since this is my blog...which consists of my inner ramblings and thoughts...
I've been thinking a lot about happiness. What does the word really mean anyways?? And how the heck are people supposed to find it??
Well, in most people's minds I think the idea of happiness is all wrong. For one, people tend to think that if things go wrong in their lives, everything about their life should be lessened and, in turn, this makes them unhappy. For example, say someone has everything they could possibly want--a great family, friends, and a good job-- and then they get dumped or lose their job or something like that... Suddenly that one thing ruins their entire realm of "happiness". I think the main problem here is simply dwelling. These people dwell on the bad things that have happened...and completely forget all of the wonderful things.
I know it sounds ridiculous, but I really believe this. I've been so happy as of late even among some really crazy happenings and I've been trying to figure out why. That is the reason. I've been doing really well at either getting things off my chest immediately and not dwelling or just letting them go in some way or another. Try it sometime. It really will make you happier. Life is too short to brew over the little things. Just consider it for a moment, do what you can with that, and stop thinking about it. Freeeeee your mind....
In the meantime...if you haven't subscribed to my other awesome blog ; ).....
www.thesenext5years.blogspot.com
It was a fantastic day though. This was the first time I've worked a morning shift at the restaurant and I must say that it is very tempting to switch all of my shifts to mornings. It has been difficult working in the not-friendly-at-all atmosphere of the evenings...and, let me tell ya, the daytimers are alot more cheerful. The change was remarkable. Plus-- I realized that the whole "let's be snooty thing" going on in the evenings is not just in my mind-- another girl, also new, has realized the exact same thing. Kinda makes me feel a little better, I guess? I mean, not that this poor girl is going through the same thing as me, but the simple fact that I'm not just crazy... ha.
After work last night, I had a blast with two of my favorite friends. : ) Both of whom subscribe to my blog... true friendship there! ha! I really do love those boys.
Now-- this is going to get really cheesy for a moment, but since this is my blog...which consists of my inner ramblings and thoughts...
I've been thinking a lot about happiness. What does the word really mean anyways?? And how the heck are people supposed to find it??
Well, in most people's minds I think the idea of happiness is all wrong. For one, people tend to think that if things go wrong in their lives, everything about their life should be lessened and, in turn, this makes them unhappy. For example, say someone has everything they could possibly want--a great family, friends, and a good job-- and then they get dumped or lose their job or something like that... Suddenly that one thing ruins their entire realm of "happiness". I think the main problem here is simply dwelling. These people dwell on the bad things that have happened...and completely forget all of the wonderful things.
I know it sounds ridiculous, but I really believe this. I've been so happy as of late even among some really crazy happenings and I've been trying to figure out why. That is the reason. I've been doing really well at either getting things off my chest immediately and not dwelling or just letting them go in some way or another. Try it sometime. It really will make you happier. Life is too short to brew over the little things. Just consider it for a moment, do what you can with that, and stop thinking about it. Freeeeee your mind....
In the meantime...if you haven't subscribed to my other awesome blog ; ).....
www.thesenext5years.blogspot.com
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Everyday
I will update more tomorrow because I'm awfully tired right now......
However, I will say that today has by far been my best day at work... and it was a double...but it was enjoyable.
More tomorrow, like I said...
However, I will say that today has by far been my best day at work... and it was a double...but it was enjoyable.
More tomorrow, like I said...
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Down Time
I've really enjoyed being out of school and having quite a bit of my daytime open. It's nice to be able to have time to actually be productive doing things I want to.
I also (unfortunately or fortunately) have had quite a bit of down time at work. It has kind of been driving me crazy... like LITERALLY nothing to do--everything is clean and ready for people, bluh-- soooo, as I was standing lonesome in the workstation pondering my wish of somebody walking through that door and sitting in my crummy section last night, I realized that so much of my time was going to waste....... I reached into my pocket and pulled out my "Guest Check" book and started writing... you know, a stream of consciousness kind of thing. After i rapidly wrote for about five minutes (as people were walking past me staring with concern), I woke up. It was like everything around me had stopped for a moment. Time stood still. And it felt so nice. Writing down all of the random thoughts in my head was such a release. I knew then why it's important to write more often (hence my two blogs)--Even if no one reads a word, it is out of my head and makes sense to me. As I reread over what I had written in the workstation, I felt so calm and at ease....
I also (unfortunately or fortunately) have had quite a bit of down time at work. It has kind of been driving me crazy... like LITERALLY nothing to do--everything is clean and ready for people, bluh-- soooo, as I was standing lonesome in the workstation pondering my wish of somebody walking through that door and sitting in my crummy section last night, I realized that so much of my time was going to waste....... I reached into my pocket and pulled out my "Guest Check" book and started writing... you know, a stream of consciousness kind of thing. After i rapidly wrote for about five minutes (as people were walking past me staring with concern), I woke up. It was like everything around me had stopped for a moment. Time stood still. And it felt so nice. Writing down all of the random thoughts in my head was such a release. I knew then why it's important to write more often (hence my two blogs)--Even if no one reads a word, it is out of my head and makes sense to me. As I reread over what I had written in the workstation, I felt so calm and at ease....
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Unoriginal Thoughts to Share
These are from the book Traveling Light by Brian Andreas. Just wanted to share...
How many people
can you love before
it's too much? she said
& I said I didn't think
there was any
real limit as long
as you didn't care if
they loved you back
-Real Limit
____________________
I don't think of it
as working for
world peace, he said.
I think of it as
just trying to
get along in a
really big strange
family.
-Big Strange Family
____________________
I'm not sure
how it's going
to turn out,
except I'll die
in the end,
she said.
So, really, what
could go wrong?
-Perfect Ending
_____________________
How many people
can you love before
it's too much? she said
& I said I didn't think
there was any
real limit as long
as you didn't care if
they loved you back
-Real Limit
____________________
I don't think of it
as working for
world peace, he said.
I think of it as
just trying to
get along in a
really big strange
family.
-Big Strange Family
____________________
I'm not sure
how it's going
to turn out,
except I'll die
in the end,
she said.
So, really, what
could go wrong?
-Perfect Ending
_____________________
Since I'm trying to write everyday....
Having the other blog to keep myself on track with my goals is going to be very effective. I can feel it.
Not to complain or anything---because my life is amazing and anything that could be an inconvenience to that fact at the moment is more than likely trivial....which it is--- but I need to get this off my chest... I started a new job a couple of weeks and, overall, I like the job. I enjoy serving more to "guests" than double steakburgers and fattening milkshakes loaded with sugar goodness... Like serving wine and dishes that the chef takes a LOT of pride in (trust me, this guy gets pissed if a dish comes up looking the slightest bit off)... Anyways, I have had a bit of difficulty dealing with the people that I work with. Not ALL of them. Some of them are really fantastic and genuine people. But there a few. Mostly a "clique" of girls. It sucks that it has to be girls, because I really hate when girls are catty to other girls... but I feel like that is most definitely what's going on here. I mean, really it's a lot of insecurities flying around that restaurant... and I know that. And I've been trying to not let that bring me down or get to me in any way... But sometimes it just bothers me. I'm the kind of person that would prefer to just be friends with everyone...and, if not friends, at least be cool around each other and be able to work within a friendly atmosphere. I feel like I've done everything I can to make this happen. But it hasn't. This one girl in particular even had the nerve to tell me that she didn't think I should joke around with her yet because I "don't know her well enough"... If that isn't an insecurity, I don't know what is. Then she gave me a spiel about her being older than I am and more "cultured"...because she's lived in other countries or some crap like that... Okay, Ms. 28-year-old-still-stuck-serving-in-a-restaurant-girl. Stop being so full of yourself. Please. It's ruining my time at work. I'm not saying that work should necessarily just be about having a good time or anything, but if you're stuck in a restaurant for six hours (or more) running around busting your butt for people, can't you at least try to make it a little more enjoyable???
I really am trying to give it a shot... I am. I pray it gets better, because I do not want to dread going into work everyday this summer. : ( That would be sad.
On another note, I had a conversation with Kelly Clarkson last night at work. She was eating at another server's table and she stopped me as I was walking by and asked me if I liked the movie "Sister Act"... This chick OBVIOUSLY did not know how much I freaking LOVE that movie... : ) "Especially the second one, "Back in the Habit"', I told her. "See, this girl knows what's up!" Our conversation went on to discuss whether "The Goonies" was more popular than "Sister Act"...and ended with whether Lauryn Hill was more popular than Wyclef Jean. The latter we never came to a conclusion on. Or, rather, it was more of a "Wyclef is popular among people who pay attention to producers" and "Lauryn is generally more well known among pop radio fans" kinda thing.
Well, off to accomplish some more goals... or something... then work. : ) Befriend my new blog, too! I would love feedback and motivation. : ) www.thesenext5years.blogspot.com
Not to complain or anything---because my life is amazing and anything that could be an inconvenience to that fact at the moment is more than likely trivial....which it is--- but I need to get this off my chest... I started a new job a couple of weeks and, overall, I like the job. I enjoy serving more to "guests" than double steakburgers and fattening milkshakes loaded with sugar goodness... Like serving wine and dishes that the chef takes a LOT of pride in (trust me, this guy gets pissed if a dish comes up looking the slightest bit off)... Anyways, I have had a bit of difficulty dealing with the people that I work with. Not ALL of them. Some of them are really fantastic and genuine people. But there a few. Mostly a "clique" of girls. It sucks that it has to be girls, because I really hate when girls are catty to other girls... but I feel like that is most definitely what's going on here. I mean, really it's a lot of insecurities flying around that restaurant... and I know that. And I've been trying to not let that bring me down or get to me in any way... But sometimes it just bothers me. I'm the kind of person that would prefer to just be friends with everyone...and, if not friends, at least be cool around each other and be able to work within a friendly atmosphere. I feel like I've done everything I can to make this happen. But it hasn't. This one girl in particular even had the nerve to tell me that she didn't think I should joke around with her yet because I "don't know her well enough"... If that isn't an insecurity, I don't know what is. Then she gave me a spiel about her being older than I am and more "cultured"...because she's lived in other countries or some crap like that... Okay, Ms. 28-year-old-still-stuck-serving-in-a-restaurant-girl. Stop being so full of yourself. Please. It's ruining my time at work. I'm not saying that work should necessarily just be about having a good time or anything, but if you're stuck in a restaurant for six hours (or more) running around busting your butt for people, can't you at least try to make it a little more enjoyable???
I really am trying to give it a shot... I am. I pray it gets better, because I do not want to dread going into work everyday this summer. : ( That would be sad.
On another note, I had a conversation with Kelly Clarkson last night at work. She was eating at another server's table and she stopped me as I was walking by and asked me if I liked the movie "Sister Act"... This chick OBVIOUSLY did not know how much I freaking LOVE that movie... : ) "Especially the second one, "Back in the Habit"', I told her. "See, this girl knows what's up!" Our conversation went on to discuss whether "The Goonies" was more popular than "Sister Act"...and ended with whether Lauryn Hill was more popular than Wyclef Jean. The latter we never came to a conclusion on. Or, rather, it was more of a "Wyclef is popular among people who pay attention to producers" and "Lauryn is generally more well known among pop radio fans" kinda thing.
Well, off to accomplish some more goals... or something... then work. : ) Befriend my new blog, too! I would love feedback and motivation. : ) www.thesenext5years.blogspot.com
Monday, May 17, 2010
A New Chapter
So much has happened since I last updated...
I lost someone very close to me recently. Mary Kae was one of the strongest and funniest people I've ever met... She really became like a second mom to me and her passing broke my heart. I rest easier knowing that I will see her again one day. It's amazing how something can happen and put everything into perspective...Suddenly everything else seems so trivial....Mary Kae Frazier-Smith, you are so missed.
On a lighter note, I graduated two weeks ago. It's craaaaazy to think that I never have to go back! Two degrees down.... one Master's left to go.... London, here I come!
I also started another blog to keep track of random goals that I have. Check it out: www.thesenext5years.blogspot.com
I'm working at a swanky restuarant in Nashville and planning to get a second job soon as well. Just work work working till London! If that ain't motivation, I don't know what is!
I lost someone very close to me recently. Mary Kae was one of the strongest and funniest people I've ever met... She really became like a second mom to me and her passing broke my heart. I rest easier knowing that I will see her again one day. It's amazing how something can happen and put everything into perspective...Suddenly everything else seems so trivial....Mary Kae Frazier-Smith, you are so missed.
On a lighter note, I graduated two weeks ago. It's craaaaazy to think that I never have to go back! Two degrees down.... one Master's left to go.... London, here I come!
I also started another blog to keep track of random goals that I have. Check it out: www.thesenext5years.blogspot.com
I'm working at a swanky restuarant in Nashville and planning to get a second job soon as well. Just work work working till London! If that ain't motivation, I don't know what is!
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