Right where I need to be. That's how i feel. Happy. Content. Doing exactly what I want to be doing. Happy with the person I've become after all these years. Happy with all the amazing people in my life. Really wouldn't give it up for the world.
Ended up home for Christmas. Such a relief. It was incredibly crazy stressful getting back. Three airports, a taxi, some trains, buses, two planes, standby, flights cancelled, snowstorm, Manchester. Eventually made it! :) And, man, has it been worth it!
It's nice to see all my friends and family again and know that nothing has changed at all. It's just so comfortable. I really am so lucky to have such amazing people in my life. They are beautiful. Hearing my nieces yell "Aunt Alli" was enough to make the trip worth it. On top of that I found myself so lucky as to be able to modi gleep with my lovelies (well, some of them! A lot left to do!!) and chill with my fam...and by chill I mean get crazy.
Am a little worried about my Sissy. They think she might have Rheumatoid Arthritis, which would really really suck. I'm just praying the doctors have good news and/or ways to make it easy for her to deal with it. Love her.
As much as I love being home, I do miss things in London. So much going on I have to get back to! We've got our mainstage show coming up--Sigrun's Fire. Should be a good time. And my band has our first gig on January 21st when I get back! At The Albany in London. Cannot be more pumped about that. And not to mention I've got some wonderful people in London to get back to as well!
In the meantime, I've got some not quite as exciting papers to write for school. Bleughghgaihiing. Trying to interfere with my modi gleeping. Needs to go on elsewhere. I would much rather spend my time as I am right now--listening to music in the bathtub.... I really should get out now...
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Cheers Darlin'
When you've finished getting yourself ready in the morning, you must go get the planet ready.
Been reading The Little Prince. Such a good book.
Getting into the Christmas spirit! As much as one can without being near their family I suppose. This will be the first time I won't be able to be with my family during the holidays. Eh, I might cry once or twice. But I will be alright. I'm learning that it is completely possible to still be close to everyone without actually physically being with them. the hardest part is missing my nieces growing up. Trying to find them a really cool Christmas present though. That makes up for it, right?
Life is going really well. Just got my headshots printed off and bought the newest Contacts book, so I can start contacting agents and whatnot. Not going to be fun. But anxious to get on with it. Working on finding a good accent coach as well. Gotta spiffy up my British.
Band stuff is going really well. Think we're going to start gigging really soon. Pretty pumped about it. And my bandmates are great. So all is good on that note.
This is a shout-out to my most dedicated reader, BaileyCakes. He never fails to read a blog entry and is upset of his not being mentioned, but needs to know that he has never gone unnoticed.
Here is my secret. It is very simple. It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; What is essential is invisible to the eye. -The Little Prince
Been reading The Little Prince. Such a good book.
Getting into the Christmas spirit! As much as one can without being near their family I suppose. This will be the first time I won't be able to be with my family during the holidays. Eh, I might cry once or twice. But I will be alright. I'm learning that it is completely possible to still be close to everyone without actually physically being with them. the hardest part is missing my nieces growing up. Trying to find them a really cool Christmas present though. That makes up for it, right?
Life is going really well. Just got my headshots printed off and bought the newest Contacts book, so I can start contacting agents and whatnot. Not going to be fun. But anxious to get on with it. Working on finding a good accent coach as well. Gotta spiffy up my British.
Band stuff is going really well. Think we're going to start gigging really soon. Pretty pumped about it. And my bandmates are great. So all is good on that note.
This is a shout-out to my most dedicated reader, BaileyCakes. He never fails to read a blog entry and is upset of his not being mentioned, but needs to know that he has never gone unnoticed.
Here is my secret. It is very simple. It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; What is essential is invisible to the eye. -The Little Prince
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
appasionato
finally gotten a grip. i think.
Developed new friendships that are turning out to be really lovely. When I first got here, I felt like no one was going to be able to be anything close to what I had back home. Maybe I was in denial. Dunno. But the truth is, you just have to spend time on these things. Of course I'm not going to be able to move to a new country in a completely different culture and just find people that I mesh with like the people back home that I've been friends with for years and feel completely myself around. I do feel like I've (finally) become myself here now though. What I was back home. What I was attempting to be again. It's weird how much a change of setting can make you feel so much not like yourself. I finally feel comfortable in my own shoes here is this big city.
London really is a lovely place to be. There's just so much going on all the time. I almost feel like there's so much that when I do have free time, I'm not quite sure what to do with myself.
School is going well. It has its ups and downs, but I think I'm where I need to be. I know the progress that I've made and that is enough for me. To be quite honest though, I'm getting really antsy. I want to get out. And just go. Audition. Rehearse. Perform. I miss being in shows. Doing theatre.
Also ready to start performing my music. It's so hard to find the right people to collaborate with and really mesh those ideas together creatively. I think I'm on the verge though...New project on the way. More soon.
Hmm...what else?? I haven't updated in over a month, so I know there is plenty to tell you guys...
I have a breeze in my room. Which is annoying. And cold. It is absolutely freezing in London now. Shockingly cold already. And I know it's going to get worse. Time to bundle up!
Seen some good theatre lately. Blasted by Sarah Kane at the Lyric Hammersmith was astounding. It's one of those shows that is almost hard to describe without you just watching it... and if I even attempted to tell you about it, you would think I'm crazy. The actors were incredible. I love theatre that, no matter how affected the characters, the actors are able to find the humanity within them and bring the audience to a level in which they can empathize with them. I left that show thinking 'this is why i love theatre'.
My dear Deutschland friend, Anna-Lena, is coming to stay for a few days soon. Haven't seen her since I left Germany over a year ago! Cannot wait!
Joined a gym here in Swiss Cottage recently. Getting addicted again. It's what I do.
I know I say it often, but life is good. I really can't complain about anything.
Developed new friendships that are turning out to be really lovely. When I first got here, I felt like no one was going to be able to be anything close to what I had back home. Maybe I was in denial. Dunno. But the truth is, you just have to spend time on these things. Of course I'm not going to be able to move to a new country in a completely different culture and just find people that I mesh with like the people back home that I've been friends with for years and feel completely myself around. I do feel like I've (finally) become myself here now though. What I was back home. What I was attempting to be again. It's weird how much a change of setting can make you feel so much not like yourself. I finally feel comfortable in my own shoes here is this big city.
London really is a lovely place to be. There's just so much going on all the time. I almost feel like there's so much that when I do have free time, I'm not quite sure what to do with myself.
School is going well. It has its ups and downs, but I think I'm where I need to be. I know the progress that I've made and that is enough for me. To be quite honest though, I'm getting really antsy. I want to get out. And just go. Audition. Rehearse. Perform. I miss being in shows. Doing theatre.
Also ready to start performing my music. It's so hard to find the right people to collaborate with and really mesh those ideas together creatively. I think I'm on the verge though...New project on the way. More soon.
Hmm...what else?? I haven't updated in over a month, so I know there is plenty to tell you guys...
I have a breeze in my room. Which is annoying. And cold. It is absolutely freezing in London now. Shockingly cold already. And I know it's going to get worse. Time to bundle up!
Seen some good theatre lately. Blasted by Sarah Kane at the Lyric Hammersmith was astounding. It's one of those shows that is almost hard to describe without you just watching it... and if I even attempted to tell you about it, you would think I'm crazy. The actors were incredible. I love theatre that, no matter how affected the characters, the actors are able to find the humanity within them and bring the audience to a level in which they can empathize with them. I left that show thinking 'this is why i love theatre'.
My dear Deutschland friend, Anna-Lena, is coming to stay for a few days soon. Haven't seen her since I left Germany over a year ago! Cannot wait!
Joined a gym here in Swiss Cottage recently. Getting addicted again. It's what I do.
I know I say it often, but life is good. I really can't complain about anything.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Back to Normal
Or close to...or next to? hmm.
Life before this summer was so full. Go go go.. was me. all. the. time. But that's the way I like it honestly. I find things to fill my time. I don't like slow. Err.. Okay, I do like slow... slow time.... so I have time to fill it with things I like to do. Anyways-- point is, I feel back to me. A life filled with things I like to be doing.
Classes are holding much of my focus. I've learned to ask questions all the time. No, not in class... ha. To myself. About my art, art in general, life. It's nice. A very reflective process.
I've been writing music all the time and it feels really good. I went through some dry spells back in the States and I like the wet ones much better. Ha. I think the move has inspired a whole new burst of creativity for me. A change of perspective.
Looking back on what I wrote last time, I sounded so lonely! Ha! It isn't that I'm lonely, it's just that I don't have as many loved ones surrounding me all the time...something I am just not used to. But change is good. It will be even sweeter when I get to see everyone again. In the meantime, man my hand hurts from writing postcards....
Life before this summer was so full. Go go go.. was me. all. the. time. But that's the way I like it honestly. I find things to fill my time. I don't like slow. Err.. Okay, I do like slow... slow time.... so I have time to fill it with things I like to do. Anyways-- point is, I feel back to me. A life filled with things I like to be doing.
Classes are holding much of my focus. I've learned to ask questions all the time. No, not in class... ha. To myself. About my art, art in general, life. It's nice. A very reflective process.
I've been writing music all the time and it feels really good. I went through some dry spells back in the States and I like the wet ones much better. Ha. I think the move has inspired a whole new burst of creativity for me. A change of perspective.
Looking back on what I wrote last time, I sounded so lonely! Ha! It isn't that I'm lonely, it's just that I don't have as many loved ones surrounding me all the time...something I am just not used to. But change is good. It will be even sweeter when I get to see everyone again. In the meantime, man my hand hurts from writing postcards....
Sunday, September 19, 2010
so many thoughts that I can't even share them.
London is beginning to grow on me more and more. I must admit that it was (is) not easy leaving my friends and family. I literally think about all of them everyday, yet I still know this is where I need to be. Even though I've made a few friends here, I tend to spend a lot of time on my own. Which is probably a good thing. Hey, if you're ever going to be fairly anti-social, why not do it in grad school when you're supposed to be focused anyways, right?! It is quite weird though still... at home I spent so much time with my friends...Just looking at pictures this morning from my going away party made me sad. : (
Well, no time to be sad is what I say! ha! Now I'm off to work out a bit, read some Shakespeare, and plan my week! I'm going to start taking mime, dance, and yoga classes outside of school. Woo! Can't wait!
Well, no time to be sad is what I say! ha! Now I'm off to work out a bit, read some Shakespeare, and plan my week! I'm going to start taking mime, dance, and yoga classes outside of school. Woo! Can't wait!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
phew
What a day! My third day of grad school and I am already feeling incredibly tired. But I look at that as a good thing! The program is already pushing me and I feel like I've already learned so much--and not just about theatre either, about myself! It's bizarre.
These past few days were labeled as "Inductions", referring to each session, such as voice, acting, movement, and dance--but they were by no means "inductions". We just jumped right in and got to work really. I kind of left having many questions about our schedule and specifics of projects as in what we are going to be doing after today and yesterday, but I feel like time will tell? ha. I guess it doesn't really matter as long as I'm getting something out of it...which I have intensely done thus far. Maybe tomorrow when we meet to have tea and biscuits we will learn a bit more. Everyone on the course seems so lovely and the teachers as well. I feel like we're all going to bond :)... hey, some of us already have even! It's nice to have people that I feel comfortable around being as I am millions of miles away from everyone in my life.
As for settling in, I am definitely still a bit jetlagged and quite sick from the change in weather. I am praying this goes away soon (hopefully by the morning!) as I have to perform tomorrow. I've been drinking lots of tea with lemon and honey, water, and OJ, so I'm hoping the natural methods will help with this one! I finally set up a bank account over here which is a nice relief, but I haven't gotten a card yet, so I can't get a phone... sooo... waiting!
Other than that, my room is beginning to feel more like MY room. And my flat, very much like home.
These past few days were labeled as "Inductions", referring to each session, such as voice, acting, movement, and dance--but they were by no means "inductions". We just jumped right in and got to work really. I kind of left having many questions about our schedule and specifics of projects as in what we are going to be doing after today and yesterday, but I feel like time will tell? ha. I guess it doesn't really matter as long as I'm getting something out of it...which I have intensely done thus far. Maybe tomorrow when we meet to have tea and biscuits we will learn a bit more. Everyone on the course seems so lovely and the teachers as well. I feel like we're all going to bond :)... hey, some of us already have even! It's nice to have people that I feel comfortable around being as I am millions of miles away from everyone in my life.
As for settling in, I am definitely still a bit jetlagged and quite sick from the change in weather. I am praying this goes away soon (hopefully by the morning!) as I have to perform tomorrow. I've been drinking lots of tea with lemon and honey, water, and OJ, so I'm hoping the natural methods will help with this one! I finally set up a bank account over here which is a nice relief, but I haven't gotten a card yet, so I can't get a phone... sooo... waiting!
Other than that, my room is beginning to feel more like MY room. And my flat, very much like home.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
finally home... home?!
I finally made it... and, let me tell ya, it was for sure a feat. After finally getting my visa and a very long flight over, I hopped on the tube with my two suitcases and incredibly heavy backpack thinking I was homefree... Got off the tube to switch to the final tube that would take me to Swiss Cottage. The line was shut down. :( So I began to improvise. I ended up walking the streets of London for a good twenty minutes without money or a phone (with all my luggage mind you.. jetlagged and sleepless! ha!) until finally I hailed a cab with the intention of just sucking it up and ALREADY using my emergency credit card... Driver doesn't take cards...go figure.. So he directed me to an atm and I finally reached home. HOME. What a weird concept. I was greeted by an incredible group of roommates, and, even though I was EXHAUSTED, there was no way I was getting to sleep anytime soon.
Adam came over and went with Claire and I to the grocery store... EVERYTIME I got in Claire's car, my mind was telling me to get in the passenger's side... which is actually the driver's side here.. This will take some getting used to. Grocery shopping was also a feat in its own. You would THINK that it would generally be similiar...umm no. HA! It was fine though--Definitely had some ridiculous moments of laughing with Adam and Claire. Then we went to the mall to buy some sheets and then drove around for a while... SCARY! Ha! Driving in London is definitely comparable to driving in NYC. And Claire is not one to be reckoned with on the roads by any means! It was pretty hilarious...
When we got home, Claire, Adam, and Aneta all decided my room (that was a MESS and totally not unpacked yet!) would be a good place to hang out. Adam does some killer card tricks... And not just card TRICKS either... I'm talking serious mind reading here. No, really. I have to admit that everyone is exactly what I thought they would be like. And I mean that in the greatest way possible. Cause I already thought they were pretty freakin awesome. :)I can tell this is going to be one of the greatest adventures of my life.
I went to bed at a fairly reasonable time as I don't think I would've made it any longer, and here I am--sitting at my desk at 6:13am drinking tea and listening to musicals. :) I got everything unpacked this morning...as I was up at 4AM! Even got to Skype my sissy today already! Been working on school stuff since I have to perform on the first day, which is a little scary as I am definitely stuffy from the change in weather and yucky plane ride.
Today we go to uni at noon to register. Cannot wait to meet everyone else in the program and actually get started on the course!! So pumped. I definitely miss everyone back home already. All of this is still a bit surreal. And my room is still a little bare, but I'm working on it.
Love from the UK,
Alli
Adam came over and went with Claire and I to the grocery store... EVERYTIME I got in Claire's car, my mind was telling me to get in the passenger's side... which is actually the driver's side here.. This will take some getting used to. Grocery shopping was also a feat in its own. You would THINK that it would generally be similiar...umm no. HA! It was fine though--Definitely had some ridiculous moments of laughing with Adam and Claire. Then we went to the mall to buy some sheets and then drove around for a while... SCARY! Ha! Driving in London is definitely comparable to driving in NYC. And Claire is not one to be reckoned with on the roads by any means! It was pretty hilarious...
When we got home, Claire, Adam, and Aneta all decided my room (that was a MESS and totally not unpacked yet!) would be a good place to hang out. Adam does some killer card tricks... And not just card TRICKS either... I'm talking serious mind reading here. No, really. I have to admit that everyone is exactly what I thought they would be like. And I mean that in the greatest way possible. Cause I already thought they were pretty freakin awesome. :)I can tell this is going to be one of the greatest adventures of my life.
I went to bed at a fairly reasonable time as I don't think I would've made it any longer, and here I am--sitting at my desk at 6:13am drinking tea and listening to musicals. :) I got everything unpacked this morning...as I was up at 4AM! Even got to Skype my sissy today already! Been working on school stuff since I have to perform on the first day, which is a little scary as I am definitely stuffy from the change in weather and yucky plane ride.
Today we go to uni at noon to register. Cannot wait to meet everyone else in the program and actually get started on the course!! So pumped. I definitely miss everyone back home already. All of this is still a bit surreal. And my room is still a little bare, but I'm working on it.
Love from the UK,
Alli
Saturday, September 4, 2010
and the journey begins...
Catching my flight to London in a few hours. So ready. It's a bittersweet time here in Nashville. It is so hard leaving my loved ones. :( But, I have to admit, I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! London, look out!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Who woulda thunk it?
Definitely did not think I would be in this place at the moment.
My Visa still hasn't come, so I am waiting. With not much patience, I must admit. I don't know if I've ever been this stressed out in my life. Here I am--everything in my life has been sold, I have no bed, I am living out of two suitcases, I have a plane ticket for tonight that I can't use, I have a flat (already paid for!) waiting for me in London that I can't get to, school is supposed to start on Monday, as of today I have nowhere left to live in TN.... this pretty much sucks. What do you do when you're at the end of your rope? Well I assure you I've already been praying... And I WILL be going to London no matter what-- it's just a frustrating matter of time. I really hope I can find more patience within the next couple of days...
On a lighter note, I had the most amazing going away party imaginable. It's so nice to know that I have the greatest friends and family in the world. The cops told me my house was "over capacity"... Who knew houses had a capacity??? It was soooo good seeing everyone. And I thank them all for the lovely presents and cards...Jimmy for the pineapple, Sarah for the hemp necklace, Nicole for the framed picture, Timmy for the moola (unnecessary!), everyone else for the cards and ridiculous amount of bottles of wine. :) It literally brought tears to my eyes thinking about how much I will miss everyone. But like I've been telling people-- Good friends are the ones that no matter how much distance and time is put between you, when you see that person again, it's like nothing has changed. I know that's how it will be when I see everyone again. Love you all.
Now let me out of this country right now!!! (see.. I am so patient. :))
My Visa still hasn't come, so I am waiting. With not much patience, I must admit. I don't know if I've ever been this stressed out in my life. Here I am--everything in my life has been sold, I have no bed, I am living out of two suitcases, I have a plane ticket for tonight that I can't use, I have a flat (already paid for!) waiting for me in London that I can't get to, school is supposed to start on Monday, as of today I have nowhere left to live in TN.... this pretty much sucks. What do you do when you're at the end of your rope? Well I assure you I've already been praying... And I WILL be going to London no matter what-- it's just a frustrating matter of time. I really hope I can find more patience within the next couple of days...
On a lighter note, I had the most amazing going away party imaginable. It's so nice to know that I have the greatest friends and family in the world. The cops told me my house was "over capacity"... Who knew houses had a capacity??? It was soooo good seeing everyone. And I thank them all for the lovely presents and cards...Jimmy for the pineapple, Sarah for the hemp necklace, Nicole for the framed picture, Timmy for the moola (unnecessary!), everyone else for the cards and ridiculous amount of bottles of wine. :) It literally brought tears to my eyes thinking about how much I will miss everyone. But like I've been telling people-- Good friends are the ones that no matter how much distance and time is put between you, when you see that person again, it's like nothing has changed. I know that's how it will be when I see everyone again. Love you all.
Now let me out of this country right now!!! (see.. I am so patient. :))
Friday, August 20, 2010
like a riot
10 days left in tennessee, 6 days left waiting tables, 3 going away parties to go, lots of packing to be had, some yard sellin' to do, a reading list to destroy, but, most importantly, lots of living left to do before I leave this place I call home. This next week and a half is going to be so bittersweet.
I've thought about it and I don't think there is anything I would change about my life if I could, except possibly having a tad bit more money, but even then I just don't know. Being broke has and probably will continue to force me to experience some very interesting situations. My car is literally falling apart before my eyes. I would prefer it to last me 10 more days if possible and then I will never own a car again unless forced to.
Life is just good though, ya know?
I've thought about it and I don't think there is anything I would change about my life if I could, except possibly having a tad bit more money, but even then I just don't know. Being broke has and probably will continue to force me to experience some very interesting situations. My car is literally falling apart before my eyes. I would prefer it to last me 10 more days if possible and then I will never own a car again unless forced to.
Life is just good though, ya know?
Saturday, August 14, 2010
but you can dip your feet every once in a little while
It worked itself out.
Oh my.
I leave in 17 days. My loan came through. Waiting on my Visa but it shouldn't be too long. I found a flat with Claire. It's a ten-minute walk to school. It's affordable. And I'm going to be living in the center of London. What? Could not be happier at this moment. The other flatmates seem awesome so far. All creative types as well so this is going to exciting! :)
I have to admit I am quite exhausted from working and every day that I am there, I am counting down until my last day. I do try to make it enjoyable though. There's a weird state of delirium I enter after working all the time. I just become goofy. I mean..not that I'm not already.. but, ya know... it's fun.
So much left to do before I go, but trying not to stress over it. Really trying to just enjoy my last couple of weeks here with my friends and family. I feel like I'm so busy working and planning that hanging with my friends has been a task. People keep trying to plan stuff with me and it's not that I don't want to hang... I really do! I just am that busy right now. Which kind of stinks. The next two saturdays are going away parties. It is going to be very difficult to say goodbye....because I am a big cheesehead.
Been writing music lately. It feels sooo good when I make time to do so. I am convinced it is a form of crack.
Oh my.
I leave in 17 days. My loan came through. Waiting on my Visa but it shouldn't be too long. I found a flat with Claire. It's a ten-minute walk to school. It's affordable. And I'm going to be living in the center of London. What? Could not be happier at this moment. The other flatmates seem awesome so far. All creative types as well so this is going to exciting! :)
I have to admit I am quite exhausted from working and every day that I am there, I am counting down until my last day. I do try to make it enjoyable though. There's a weird state of delirium I enter after working all the time. I just become goofy. I mean..not that I'm not already.. but, ya know... it's fun.
So much left to do before I go, but trying not to stress over it. Really trying to just enjoy my last couple of weeks here with my friends and family. I feel like I'm so busy working and planning that hanging with my friends has been a task. People keep trying to plan stuff with me and it's not that I don't want to hang... I really do! I just am that busy right now. Which kind of stinks. The next two saturdays are going away parties. It is going to be very difficult to say goodbye....because I am a big cheesehead.
Been writing music lately. It feels sooo good when I make time to do so. I am convinced it is a form of crack.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
No Stress, No Stress, Decompress
This has been quite the trying week for me. Still no status on my loan. I was sitting in my bathtub the other day, drinking pinot noir, smoking a cigarette, wearing red lipstick....okay not really...let's try this again-- I was sitting in the bathtub the other day, drinking my cup of coffee, ya know, the usual... and all of the sudden I just broke down and started bawling my eyes out... A very straight out of a movie kind of thing...This continued for a good five minutes. Then all of the sudden I snapped out of it. Like clockwork really. And I thought "What the heck am I doing?"... I mean, yeah this London stuff is pretty depressing, especially if it doesn't work out... but there is no reason to cry over it. I guess it did feel good though. I don't cry often, so maybe those tears needed to get out of my system....I dunno. But I have decided to not let it get me down again. It's frustrating, but as everyone around me has been saying 'everything happens for a reason'. I just need to figure out the reason for these things. What is the reason for getting accepted to my dream school, or going to NYC for ten days to plan my postgrad move there just to find out in the airport I got into this grad school and the past ten days had been irrelevant...or maybe they aren't? I will figure it all out. Soon enough. I don't really have a choice... My flight is twenty days away.
Maybe I am a bit analytical, but I always wonder about these things... why things happen the way they do. One particular thought on my mind all summer has been regarding the people I've met. Practically living in Nashville all summer, I have met and grown close to so many wonderful people. And I always think 'how did I not meet these awesome people sooner?'... Or is there a reason why I've met them if there is indeed a reason for everything? What am I going to take away from this meeting with this person? When will our paths cross again? If they don't ever, is there some thing that I've learned from this person that will stay with me the rest of my life? I know I'm rambling... but this is really something I think about all the time. I cherish my friendships so much. Even if I am about to leave and potentially not see that person for a long time...or possibly ever again... It is still worth the time put into it. Most of these questions I don't know the answer for, but that is the one thing I do know for sure.
This summer really has been amazing. I always want to blog about the specifics but tend to stick with the general, but if i could explain the day-to-day specifics of my life and the amazing times I have, then maybe the jist would get across. I am lucky. Period. So blessed and so truly thankful for it all. Right after I finished filling my bathtub up with tears the other day, my phone practically blew up... My mom called, my sissy called...several of my friends text me to make sure I was okay. Simply that happening made me feel like a slight fool for crying. Such wonderful people surround me. Blessed is all there is to it.
Off to spend the day at Holiday World with my buddy Eric. Take in the sun and decompress. Not to mention that fact that ROADTRIPS ARE AWESOME! Especially when you've got a good playlist. ;)
Maybe I am a bit analytical, but I always wonder about these things... why things happen the way they do. One particular thought on my mind all summer has been regarding the people I've met. Practically living in Nashville all summer, I have met and grown close to so many wonderful people. And I always think 'how did I not meet these awesome people sooner?'... Or is there a reason why I've met them if there is indeed a reason for everything? What am I going to take away from this meeting with this person? When will our paths cross again? If they don't ever, is there some thing that I've learned from this person that will stay with me the rest of my life? I know I'm rambling... but this is really something I think about all the time. I cherish my friendships so much. Even if I am about to leave and potentially not see that person for a long time...or possibly ever again... It is still worth the time put into it. Most of these questions I don't know the answer for, but that is the one thing I do know for sure.
This summer really has been amazing. I always want to blog about the specifics but tend to stick with the general, but if i could explain the day-to-day specifics of my life and the amazing times I have, then maybe the jist would get across. I am lucky. Period. So blessed and so truly thankful for it all. Right after I finished filling my bathtub up with tears the other day, my phone practically blew up... My mom called, my sissy called...several of my friends text me to make sure I was okay. Simply that happening made me feel like a slight fool for crying. Such wonderful people surround me. Blessed is all there is to it.
Off to spend the day at Holiday World with my buddy Eric. Take in the sun and decompress. Not to mention that fact that ROADTRIPS ARE AWESOME! Especially when you've got a good playlist. ;)
Sunday, August 8, 2010
When I am that cute old lady.
I have done everything in my power to follow my dream of going to this dang grad school in London and although I feel like it's going to happen (because I am overly optimistic about everything all the time), I still know that there is a slight possibility that everything might not turn out quite as hoped for... and this sucks... and I hate even admitting it... but it could happen...
So. I joke around about moving to Paris and living above Shakespeare and Company. But, in all seriousness, I am going to do something. Something enjoyable. I refuse to look back and have regrets. I don't want to stay here. I want to leave. I crave adventure. I crave meeting interesting people. Seeing interesting places. Doing things I've never done or ever imagined that I would do. Growing old? Pshaw. I want my body to grow old eventually, yes. I want to be that super cute old lady. But I want my heart to stay the same. I always want to want. Desire to do the unimaginable. Life is simply too short. I don't mean 'want' as in want what I can't have and not ever be content; I just never want to be content with settling into what I don't want. And what is content to me is wanting more and reaching for that want. Adventure. On this massive, beautiful place we call Earth. It is just so beautiful and there is so much out there to experience. I can't just sit back and let it pass me by.
So whatever happens happens, right? Whatever that saying means... Let's rephrase-- Whatever happens on whichever path my life leads me is going to be amazing and adventurous and I am not going to have any regrets...when I am that cute old lady...
So. I joke around about moving to Paris and living above Shakespeare and Company. But, in all seriousness, I am going to do something. Something enjoyable. I refuse to look back and have regrets. I don't want to stay here. I want to leave. I crave adventure. I crave meeting interesting people. Seeing interesting places. Doing things I've never done or ever imagined that I would do. Growing old? Pshaw. I want my body to grow old eventually, yes. I want to be that super cute old lady. But I want my heart to stay the same. I always want to want. Desire to do the unimaginable. Life is simply too short. I don't mean 'want' as in want what I can't have and not ever be content; I just never want to be content with settling into what I don't want. And what is content to me is wanting more and reaching for that want. Adventure. On this massive, beautiful place we call Earth. It is just so beautiful and there is so much out there to experience. I can't just sit back and let it pass me by.
So whatever happens happens, right? Whatever that saying means... Let's rephrase-- Whatever happens on whichever path my life leads me is going to be amazing and adventurous and I am not going to have any regrets...when I am that cute old lady...
Saturday, July 31, 2010
London in 31
Oh gracious, I can't believe how quickly it's approaching. As nervous as I am, I am most definitely more excited than anything. I think it is time, ya know? I spoke with my soon-to-be-roomie, Claire, on Skype the other day for TWO HOURS. It's weird how you can barely know someone, but can still tell that you just click with them. Just talking to her about our flat and school and all the exciting things we want to do... like she found a hot yoga studio nearby that we plan to go to... and we're planning on taking extra dance classes outside of school and whatnot... :) Oh, and we're going to completely take over the city... and I'm going to marry Prince Harry... cause other boys are stupid and he dressed up as Hitler. :)
Been thinking a bit today... oh god, i know, ha!... I think I care too much about people. This sounds ridiculous, but I really mean it. I meet people and I think they're wonderful no matter what... I see the good and the bad things and learn to love both about the person...when really I should probably be like "hold up.. um.. this person is messed up..." I am especially this way with depressed people... which is not good. I take it upon myself to care about them and make them happy... because I live in "AlliLand" and feel like everyone should be as super happy as I am all the time. Then I open myself up to that person. This, I have learned recently, can backfire.
So am I doing something wrong? Is there a happy medium here in caring about people? Or is it just one of those live and learn kind of things? I mean, really I still don't regret anything but it does suck feeling like some time was wasted..? Life is too short to waste time... worrying... or being dumb... or whatever...Adventures are all I am after.
I guess no matter what exists around me, I just need to keep living in AlliLand and not let other people bring me down...?
I'll go with that. :)
I may be crazy in my own way but I really do like it here... in my mind... where the birds are sitting on top of rainbows and skittles are falling from the sky and rufus wainwright is singing French lullabies to me and ... and... and... and...i really could keep going, but I need to get out of the bathtub...
Been thinking a bit today... oh god, i know, ha!... I think I care too much about people. This sounds ridiculous, but I really mean it. I meet people and I think they're wonderful no matter what... I see the good and the bad things and learn to love both about the person...when really I should probably be like "hold up.. um.. this person is messed up..." I am especially this way with depressed people... which is not good. I take it upon myself to care about them and make them happy... because I live in "AlliLand" and feel like everyone should be as super happy as I am all the time. Then I open myself up to that person. This, I have learned recently, can backfire.
So am I doing something wrong? Is there a happy medium here in caring about people? Or is it just one of those live and learn kind of things? I mean, really I still don't regret anything but it does suck feeling like some time was wasted..? Life is too short to waste time... worrying... or being dumb... or whatever...Adventures are all I am after.
I guess no matter what exists around me, I just need to keep living in AlliLand and not let other people bring me down...?
I'll go with that. :)
I may be crazy in my own way but I really do like it here... in my mind... where the birds are sitting on top of rainbows and skittles are falling from the sky and rufus wainwright is singing French lullabies to me and ... and... and... and...i really could keep going, but I need to get out of the bathtub...
Saturday, July 24, 2010
i hope they know
I've realized that I am one of the luckiest people on the face of this planet. I have such amazing friends and a wonderful, supportive family. Moving to London is going to be one of the hardest things I've ever done emotionally. And the only part of it that is difficult is leaving my family and friends here. I have the most ridiculous family ever. And I mean that in the best way possible. Because I've realized how much of a crackhead I am myself. ha... Wonder where I got it? Seriously though, I always see my friends in these constant struggles with their families and it makes me so sad. Of course my family has their own issues, but when it comes down to it, we are all best friends and would do anything in the world for each other... Heck, so many people complain about "having" to hang out with their family... but I love it. I choose to hang out with my family when I can. Unfortunately I don't always get to see them as much as I would like, but when we do see each other, nothing has changed.
And I feel the exact same way about my friends. Sometimes I go months without seeing my best friends. It sounds sad and it is, but it isn't out of lack of care...and we always know that. We have that same understanding that even if we don't see each other for a while, that at any point we have each others' backs. Always. Even when I am overseas.
So after all this rambling... I guess all I'm trying to say is that I hope they know.... I hope my family and friends know that me leaving isn't by any means a jab at my love for them. Because this will be one of the hardest things for me to do. But I hope they know how amazing they are. And I hope they know that this is just what I have to do.
And I feel the exact same way about my friends. Sometimes I go months without seeing my best friends. It sounds sad and it is, but it isn't out of lack of care...and we always know that. We have that same understanding that even if we don't see each other for a while, that at any point we have each others' backs. Always. Even when I am overseas.
So after all this rambling... I guess all I'm trying to say is that I hope they know.... I hope my family and friends know that me leaving isn't by any means a jab at my love for them. Because this will be one of the hardest things for me to do. But I hope they know how amazing they are. And I hope they know that this is just what I have to do.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Transitionnnnnnns
I think I am ready for this transitional phase to be over. I kind of feel like my life is on hold and I don't think I like it. Not my life... I love my life. I am just not enjoying not moving forward. Being stagnate. Working a job most definitely not doing what I want to be doing. Kind of into someone. Can't act on that. That would just be stupid, right? Why do these things even happen? Hmmm. A mystery for sure.
In other news, I am getting much much closer. I have about a month and a half before the big move. Still waiting on loans to go through, but they have at least been approved. I've bought my plane ticket, paid for my Visa (although I still don't have it), got an awesome FlipSlide HD Camcorder and a Sony Cybershot Digital Camera that is amazing... sweep panorama and all... I also bought my parents a webcam and set them up on Skype. And made them practice since they are, to say the least, not at all tech savvy.
Other than that, just working too much... partying too much... and packing... and pondering on how to pack...
READY, SET, FLY. Okay, almost...
In other news, I am getting much much closer. I have about a month and a half before the big move. Still waiting on loans to go through, but they have at least been approved. I've bought my plane ticket, paid for my Visa (although I still don't have it), got an awesome FlipSlide HD Camcorder and a Sony Cybershot Digital Camera that is amazing... sweep panorama and all... I also bought my parents a webcam and set them up on Skype. And made them practice since they are, to say the least, not at all tech savvy.
Other than that, just working too much... partying too much... and packing... and pondering on how to pack...
READY, SET, FLY. Okay, almost...
Monday, July 5, 2010
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
This Time in Two Months...
I will be moving into a flat with my lovely Londoner roomies. I kind of get chills down my spine when I really think about it. So anxious... Waiting on my loan and visa to get approved... Still have to set up a European bank account... Just dropped an extra 300 dollars today in visa fees and still haven't bought my plane ticket. I'm thinking by the end of the week I should be good to do that.
I did buy my Macbook finally! Not sure what to do with my G5 baby though... I can't take it with me, but I really don't want to sell it. Oh so torn. Part of me feels like "well, I will be back to the States at some point, right?"... but then the other part is saying "what if I completely fall in love with the city and want to stay there? Then I would have all this useless crap back home..." I dunno....
I've been really happy lately. Work can be frustrating at times. And it's even more frustrating trying to save up all this money that I know will be decreased by half once exchanged... But, as I was saying.... Regardless, I've been really happy lately. I feel I'm in a good place.
I did buy my Macbook finally! Not sure what to do with my G5 baby though... I can't take it with me, but I really don't want to sell it. Oh so torn. Part of me feels like "well, I will be back to the States at some point, right?"... but then the other part is saying "what if I completely fall in love with the city and want to stay there? Then I would have all this useless crap back home..." I dunno....
I've been really happy lately. Work can be frustrating at times. And it's even more frustrating trying to save up all this money that I know will be decreased by half once exchanged... But, as I was saying.... Regardless, I've been really happy lately. I feel I'm in a good place.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Back From the Roo
Well, I survived this past weekend at Bonnaroo. I had ten million times more fun this year than I did two years ago (not that I didn't have a great time then, too.. just sayin). I saw something like 22 bands or so... The Flaming Lips, Kings of Leon, Tori Amos, Phoenix, Medeski Martin and Wood, Stevie Wonder, Jay-Z, Dave Matthews, The Avett Brothers, Weezer, Regina Spektor, just to name a few. Absolutely amazing.
Also been working on London stuff. Semi-freaking out at this point because I have to reapply for my student loans. There was a new law passed regarding the way student loans are disbursed that keeps me from being able to reapply until July 1st... which is a little too close for comfort for me to the time I am leaving... And I can't apply for my student visa until my loans go through, so everything is going to be very last minute and incredibly stressful next month... I also have to set up an overseas bank account and yada yada. In a nutshell... lots to do...quite stressful... but crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. Also need to get rid of a LOT of my stuff... thinking about doing a yard sale if I can find time.
Been studying up on London lingo... It's probably a good thing that I know that "pants" refers to underwear.. not pants.
Off to do laundry and other productive things. Then hi-ho to work.
Also been working on London stuff. Semi-freaking out at this point because I have to reapply for my student loans. There was a new law passed regarding the way student loans are disbursed that keeps me from being able to reapply until July 1st... which is a little too close for comfort for me to the time I am leaving... And I can't apply for my student visa until my loans go through, so everything is going to be very last minute and incredibly stressful next month... I also have to set up an overseas bank account and yada yada. In a nutshell... lots to do...quite stressful... but crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. Also need to get rid of a LOT of my stuff... thinking about doing a yard sale if I can find time.
Been studying up on London lingo... It's probably a good thing that I know that "pants" refers to underwear.. not pants.
Off to do laundry and other productive things. Then hi-ho to work.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
two week streak
So I'm ending what has been close to a two week-long streak of craziness. Well, sorta. So I am ending it for a day, ya see, then going to Bonnaroo for the rest of the week. Can't say that won't be crazy... I guess I just feel like I've deserved some sort of break? I've been in school for five years now and have taken summer classes during every summer break..and I'm about to start grad school...so I definitely won't have a break for a while, so.... wow, this is an awful run-on.
I guess I'm simply trying to say that I'm going to slow down the partying. After Bonnaroo.
: )
On another note-- I have had, within these past two weeks, some of the best times ever. I can't even begin to tell some of the crazy stories. Feel free to ask me sometime.
And, btw, arrogance is my least favorite quality in a person. No one in this world is awesome enough to treat people like crap and it be okay..well, except maybe Ryan Adams.
Time for an early night's sleep. Detox... and go.
I guess I'm simply trying to say that I'm going to slow down the partying. After Bonnaroo.
: )
On another note-- I have had, within these past two weeks, some of the best times ever. I can't even begin to tell some of the crazy stories. Feel free to ask me sometime.
And, btw, arrogance is my least favorite quality in a person. No one in this world is awesome enough to treat people like crap and it be okay..well, except maybe Ryan Adams.
Time for an early night's sleep. Detox... and go.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
A Back-Up Plan?? P-Shaw.
I've had two encounters in the past two days in which people have told me their back-up plans... I told both of them to stop.
Here's the thing-- Not that I don't think back-up plans are an okay thing to have (well, i sorta do)... that's beside the point... The people I have met that have told me their "back-up plans" have seemed as if they've convinced themselves that these plans are going to realize themselves. I just think they seem to work against people more than they do for them... So, I guess what I'm trying to say is don't have one. Live out your dream. If that doesn't work, live as close to it as possible. If that fails as well, live spontaneously.
That is all.
This summer is quite lovely thus far.
Here's the thing-- Not that I don't think back-up plans are an okay thing to have (well, i sorta do)... that's beside the point... The people I have met that have told me their "back-up plans" have seemed as if they've convinced themselves that these plans are going to realize themselves. I just think they seem to work against people more than they do for them... So, I guess what I'm trying to say is don't have one. Live out your dream. If that doesn't work, live as close to it as possible. If that fails as well, live spontaneously.
That is all.
This summer is quite lovely thus far.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Soak in the sun, summerbaby....
I laid on the trampoline for a while today under the sun. It's such a good feeling. I don't think it's possible for someone to lay under the sun, absorbing it all in, and not be completely content. I know I mentioned this in my last post, but the closer I keep getting to moving to London is giving me such an interesting feeling. On the one hand, I am sad that I am leaving my family and friends and...well, I think that is really all I am sad about. It is also going to be exhilarating for many reasons. If you know me, you probably know that I am a ridiculous packrat. I keep everything... I feel like it all has sentimental value to me... But, whether I like it or not, I am going to have to get rid of a LOT of stuff.. and by a lot, I mean the majority of it. I can't take it with me. Which scares the heck out of me, but I know will also be one of the nicest feelings ever... hm.
I was talking to someone the other day and they were asking me how long I would be gone... implying that I would eventually be coming back... but I don't think I ever will. I mean, I really have no idea what the future holds for me, so I might? But I really don't think so... Of course I'll be back to visit-- that's not what I mean.. but to live ? I just don't think this is where I belong. And, to be honest, I don't know if I really belong any particular place. Knowing me, I wouldn't be surprised if I move around for the rest of my life... There's just so much to see out there. Does anyone else out there feel the same way as me?? Sometimes I feel alone in these thoughts... hm.
I was talking to someone the other day and they were asking me how long I would be gone... implying that I would eventually be coming back... but I don't think I ever will. I mean, I really have no idea what the future holds for me, so I might? But I really don't think so... Of course I'll be back to visit-- that's not what I mean.. but to live ? I just don't think this is where I belong. And, to be honest, I don't know if I really belong any particular place. Knowing me, I wouldn't be surprised if I move around for the rest of my life... There's just so much to see out there. Does anyone else out there feel the same way as me?? Sometimes I feel alone in these thoughts... hm.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Is this really happening?
Today was a very good day and tonight (now 2:10am..) is going to be even better. : )
Worked my butt off at the restaurant. It was craaazy. Tonight was "En Fuego"...which equals sexy salsa dancers running into you while you're trying to bring them drinks. Eddie George rubbed up against me... ha. EVERYONE comes to this restaurant.
The good news is I've been making lots of money and have been able to save a lot of it for London.
You have no idea how stoked I am about leaving. The whole idea of such a big change still seems surreal...
Worked my butt off at the restaurant. It was craaazy. Tonight was "En Fuego"...which equals sexy salsa dancers running into you while you're trying to bring them drinks. Eddie George rubbed up against me... ha. EVERYONE comes to this restaurant.
The good news is I've been making lots of money and have been able to save a lot of it for London.
You have no idea how stoked I am about leaving. The whole idea of such a big change still seems surreal...
Friday, May 21, 2010
Happy Happy Joy Joy
When I got home last night I was not up for typing much... Two long island iced teas mixed with a looong day at work made me uber sleepy.
It was a fantastic day though. This was the first time I've worked a morning shift at the restaurant and I must say that it is very tempting to switch all of my shifts to mornings. It has been difficult working in the not-friendly-at-all atmosphere of the evenings...and, let me tell ya, the daytimers are alot more cheerful. The change was remarkable. Plus-- I realized that the whole "let's be snooty thing" going on in the evenings is not just in my mind-- another girl, also new, has realized the exact same thing. Kinda makes me feel a little better, I guess? I mean, not that this poor girl is going through the same thing as me, but the simple fact that I'm not just crazy... ha.
After work last night, I had a blast with two of my favorite friends. : ) Both of whom subscribe to my blog... true friendship there! ha! I really do love those boys.
Now-- this is going to get really cheesy for a moment, but since this is my blog...which consists of my inner ramblings and thoughts...
I've been thinking a lot about happiness. What does the word really mean anyways?? And how the heck are people supposed to find it??
Well, in most people's minds I think the idea of happiness is all wrong. For one, people tend to think that if things go wrong in their lives, everything about their life should be lessened and, in turn, this makes them unhappy. For example, say someone has everything they could possibly want--a great family, friends, and a good job-- and then they get dumped or lose their job or something like that... Suddenly that one thing ruins their entire realm of "happiness". I think the main problem here is simply dwelling. These people dwell on the bad things that have happened...and completely forget all of the wonderful things.
I know it sounds ridiculous, but I really believe this. I've been so happy as of late even among some really crazy happenings and I've been trying to figure out why. That is the reason. I've been doing really well at either getting things off my chest immediately and not dwelling or just letting them go in some way or another. Try it sometime. It really will make you happier. Life is too short to brew over the little things. Just consider it for a moment, do what you can with that, and stop thinking about it. Freeeeee your mind....
In the meantime...if you haven't subscribed to my other awesome blog ; ).....
www.thesenext5years.blogspot.com
It was a fantastic day though. This was the first time I've worked a morning shift at the restaurant and I must say that it is very tempting to switch all of my shifts to mornings. It has been difficult working in the not-friendly-at-all atmosphere of the evenings...and, let me tell ya, the daytimers are alot more cheerful. The change was remarkable. Plus-- I realized that the whole "let's be snooty thing" going on in the evenings is not just in my mind-- another girl, also new, has realized the exact same thing. Kinda makes me feel a little better, I guess? I mean, not that this poor girl is going through the same thing as me, but the simple fact that I'm not just crazy... ha.
After work last night, I had a blast with two of my favorite friends. : ) Both of whom subscribe to my blog... true friendship there! ha! I really do love those boys.
Now-- this is going to get really cheesy for a moment, but since this is my blog...which consists of my inner ramblings and thoughts...
I've been thinking a lot about happiness. What does the word really mean anyways?? And how the heck are people supposed to find it??
Well, in most people's minds I think the idea of happiness is all wrong. For one, people tend to think that if things go wrong in their lives, everything about their life should be lessened and, in turn, this makes them unhappy. For example, say someone has everything they could possibly want--a great family, friends, and a good job-- and then they get dumped or lose their job or something like that... Suddenly that one thing ruins their entire realm of "happiness". I think the main problem here is simply dwelling. These people dwell on the bad things that have happened...and completely forget all of the wonderful things.
I know it sounds ridiculous, but I really believe this. I've been so happy as of late even among some really crazy happenings and I've been trying to figure out why. That is the reason. I've been doing really well at either getting things off my chest immediately and not dwelling or just letting them go in some way or another. Try it sometime. It really will make you happier. Life is too short to brew over the little things. Just consider it for a moment, do what you can with that, and stop thinking about it. Freeeeee your mind....
In the meantime...if you haven't subscribed to my other awesome blog ; ).....
www.thesenext5years.blogspot.com
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Everyday
I will update more tomorrow because I'm awfully tired right now......
However, I will say that today has by far been my best day at work... and it was a double...but it was enjoyable.
More tomorrow, like I said...
However, I will say that today has by far been my best day at work... and it was a double...but it was enjoyable.
More tomorrow, like I said...
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Down Time
I've really enjoyed being out of school and having quite a bit of my daytime open. It's nice to be able to have time to actually be productive doing things I want to.
I also (unfortunately or fortunately) have had quite a bit of down time at work. It has kind of been driving me crazy... like LITERALLY nothing to do--everything is clean and ready for people, bluh-- soooo, as I was standing lonesome in the workstation pondering my wish of somebody walking through that door and sitting in my crummy section last night, I realized that so much of my time was going to waste....... I reached into my pocket and pulled out my "Guest Check" book and started writing... you know, a stream of consciousness kind of thing. After i rapidly wrote for about five minutes (as people were walking past me staring with concern), I woke up. It was like everything around me had stopped for a moment. Time stood still. And it felt so nice. Writing down all of the random thoughts in my head was such a release. I knew then why it's important to write more often (hence my two blogs)--Even if no one reads a word, it is out of my head and makes sense to me. As I reread over what I had written in the workstation, I felt so calm and at ease....
I also (unfortunately or fortunately) have had quite a bit of down time at work. It has kind of been driving me crazy... like LITERALLY nothing to do--everything is clean and ready for people, bluh-- soooo, as I was standing lonesome in the workstation pondering my wish of somebody walking through that door and sitting in my crummy section last night, I realized that so much of my time was going to waste....... I reached into my pocket and pulled out my "Guest Check" book and started writing... you know, a stream of consciousness kind of thing. After i rapidly wrote for about five minutes (as people were walking past me staring with concern), I woke up. It was like everything around me had stopped for a moment. Time stood still. And it felt so nice. Writing down all of the random thoughts in my head was such a release. I knew then why it's important to write more often (hence my two blogs)--Even if no one reads a word, it is out of my head and makes sense to me. As I reread over what I had written in the workstation, I felt so calm and at ease....
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Unoriginal Thoughts to Share
These are from the book Traveling Light by Brian Andreas. Just wanted to share...
How many people
can you love before
it's too much? she said
& I said I didn't think
there was any
real limit as long
as you didn't care if
they loved you back
-Real Limit
____________________
I don't think of it
as working for
world peace, he said.
I think of it as
just trying to
get along in a
really big strange
family.
-Big Strange Family
____________________
I'm not sure
how it's going
to turn out,
except I'll die
in the end,
she said.
So, really, what
could go wrong?
-Perfect Ending
_____________________
How many people
can you love before
it's too much? she said
& I said I didn't think
there was any
real limit as long
as you didn't care if
they loved you back
-Real Limit
____________________
I don't think of it
as working for
world peace, he said.
I think of it as
just trying to
get along in a
really big strange
family.
-Big Strange Family
____________________
I'm not sure
how it's going
to turn out,
except I'll die
in the end,
she said.
So, really, what
could go wrong?
-Perfect Ending
_____________________
Since I'm trying to write everyday....
Having the other blog to keep myself on track with my goals is going to be very effective. I can feel it.
Not to complain or anything---because my life is amazing and anything that could be an inconvenience to that fact at the moment is more than likely trivial....which it is--- but I need to get this off my chest... I started a new job a couple of weeks and, overall, I like the job. I enjoy serving more to "guests" than double steakburgers and fattening milkshakes loaded with sugar goodness... Like serving wine and dishes that the chef takes a LOT of pride in (trust me, this guy gets pissed if a dish comes up looking the slightest bit off)... Anyways, I have had a bit of difficulty dealing with the people that I work with. Not ALL of them. Some of them are really fantastic and genuine people. But there a few. Mostly a "clique" of girls. It sucks that it has to be girls, because I really hate when girls are catty to other girls... but I feel like that is most definitely what's going on here. I mean, really it's a lot of insecurities flying around that restaurant... and I know that. And I've been trying to not let that bring me down or get to me in any way... But sometimes it just bothers me. I'm the kind of person that would prefer to just be friends with everyone...and, if not friends, at least be cool around each other and be able to work within a friendly atmosphere. I feel like I've done everything I can to make this happen. But it hasn't. This one girl in particular even had the nerve to tell me that she didn't think I should joke around with her yet because I "don't know her well enough"... If that isn't an insecurity, I don't know what is. Then she gave me a spiel about her being older than I am and more "cultured"...because she's lived in other countries or some crap like that... Okay, Ms. 28-year-old-still-stuck-serving-in-a-restaurant-girl. Stop being so full of yourself. Please. It's ruining my time at work. I'm not saying that work should necessarily just be about having a good time or anything, but if you're stuck in a restaurant for six hours (or more) running around busting your butt for people, can't you at least try to make it a little more enjoyable???
I really am trying to give it a shot... I am. I pray it gets better, because I do not want to dread going into work everyday this summer. : ( That would be sad.
On another note, I had a conversation with Kelly Clarkson last night at work. She was eating at another server's table and she stopped me as I was walking by and asked me if I liked the movie "Sister Act"... This chick OBVIOUSLY did not know how much I freaking LOVE that movie... : ) "Especially the second one, "Back in the Habit"', I told her. "See, this girl knows what's up!" Our conversation went on to discuss whether "The Goonies" was more popular than "Sister Act"...and ended with whether Lauryn Hill was more popular than Wyclef Jean. The latter we never came to a conclusion on. Or, rather, it was more of a "Wyclef is popular among people who pay attention to producers" and "Lauryn is generally more well known among pop radio fans" kinda thing.
Well, off to accomplish some more goals... or something... then work. : ) Befriend my new blog, too! I would love feedback and motivation. : ) www.thesenext5years.blogspot.com
Not to complain or anything---because my life is amazing and anything that could be an inconvenience to that fact at the moment is more than likely trivial....which it is--- but I need to get this off my chest... I started a new job a couple of weeks and, overall, I like the job. I enjoy serving more to "guests" than double steakburgers and fattening milkshakes loaded with sugar goodness... Like serving wine and dishes that the chef takes a LOT of pride in (trust me, this guy gets pissed if a dish comes up looking the slightest bit off)... Anyways, I have had a bit of difficulty dealing with the people that I work with. Not ALL of them. Some of them are really fantastic and genuine people. But there a few. Mostly a "clique" of girls. It sucks that it has to be girls, because I really hate when girls are catty to other girls... but I feel like that is most definitely what's going on here. I mean, really it's a lot of insecurities flying around that restaurant... and I know that. And I've been trying to not let that bring me down or get to me in any way... But sometimes it just bothers me. I'm the kind of person that would prefer to just be friends with everyone...and, if not friends, at least be cool around each other and be able to work within a friendly atmosphere. I feel like I've done everything I can to make this happen. But it hasn't. This one girl in particular even had the nerve to tell me that she didn't think I should joke around with her yet because I "don't know her well enough"... If that isn't an insecurity, I don't know what is. Then she gave me a spiel about her being older than I am and more "cultured"...because she's lived in other countries or some crap like that... Okay, Ms. 28-year-old-still-stuck-serving-in-a-restaurant-girl. Stop being so full of yourself. Please. It's ruining my time at work. I'm not saying that work should necessarily just be about having a good time or anything, but if you're stuck in a restaurant for six hours (or more) running around busting your butt for people, can't you at least try to make it a little more enjoyable???
I really am trying to give it a shot... I am. I pray it gets better, because I do not want to dread going into work everyday this summer. : ( That would be sad.
On another note, I had a conversation with Kelly Clarkson last night at work. She was eating at another server's table and she stopped me as I was walking by and asked me if I liked the movie "Sister Act"... This chick OBVIOUSLY did not know how much I freaking LOVE that movie... : ) "Especially the second one, "Back in the Habit"', I told her. "See, this girl knows what's up!" Our conversation went on to discuss whether "The Goonies" was more popular than "Sister Act"...and ended with whether Lauryn Hill was more popular than Wyclef Jean. The latter we never came to a conclusion on. Or, rather, it was more of a "Wyclef is popular among people who pay attention to producers" and "Lauryn is generally more well known among pop radio fans" kinda thing.
Well, off to accomplish some more goals... or something... then work. : ) Befriend my new blog, too! I would love feedback and motivation. : ) www.thesenext5years.blogspot.com
Monday, May 17, 2010
A New Chapter
So much has happened since I last updated...
I lost someone very close to me recently. Mary Kae was one of the strongest and funniest people I've ever met... She really became like a second mom to me and her passing broke my heart. I rest easier knowing that I will see her again one day. It's amazing how something can happen and put everything into perspective...Suddenly everything else seems so trivial....Mary Kae Frazier-Smith, you are so missed.
On a lighter note, I graduated two weeks ago. It's craaaaazy to think that I never have to go back! Two degrees down.... one Master's left to go.... London, here I come!
I also started another blog to keep track of random goals that I have. Check it out: www.thesenext5years.blogspot.com
I'm working at a swanky restuarant in Nashville and planning to get a second job soon as well. Just work work working till London! If that ain't motivation, I don't know what is!
I lost someone very close to me recently. Mary Kae was one of the strongest and funniest people I've ever met... She really became like a second mom to me and her passing broke my heart. I rest easier knowing that I will see her again one day. It's amazing how something can happen and put everything into perspective...Suddenly everything else seems so trivial....Mary Kae Frazier-Smith, you are so missed.
On a lighter note, I graduated two weeks ago. It's craaaaazy to think that I never have to go back! Two degrees down.... one Master's left to go.... London, here I come!
I also started another blog to keep track of random goals that I have. Check it out: www.thesenext5years.blogspot.com
I'm working at a swanky restuarant in Nashville and planning to get a second job soon as well. Just work work working till London! If that ain't motivation, I don't know what is!
Friday, April 9, 2010
Where the cold don't come and the wind don't blow
Well... I was just reading my previous post, which was almost a month ago. So much has changed! I've decided to accept my offer at Central and I have worked out my student loan situation, so I'll be moving to London in September! I am so excited for a change of pace, ya know? I'm definitely ready to graduate in May and get started with my life. So exciting...
It was very tough deciding whether or not to take out a student loan for grad school. I luckily haven't taken out any loans for undergrad, so I guess that makes it not so bad. I had to reason in the fact that I know if I decided against going to Central for a trivial reason such as money, that I would regret it for the rest of my life... Not saying that I won't be annoyed/slightly regretful when I have to pay back my loans, but weighing the two, I know this is the best decision.
It was very tough deciding whether or not to take out a student loan for grad school. I luckily haven't taken out any loans for undergrad, so I guess that makes it not so bad. I had to reason in the fact that I know if I decided against going to Central for a trivial reason such as money, that I would regret it for the rest of my life... Not saying that I won't be annoyed/slightly regretful when I have to pay back my loans, but weighing the two, I know this is the best decision.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
WHOA. a rollercoaster.
This has been one craaaaazy week.
I just talked to my dad on the phone and he told me I got accepted into the Central School in London... Yes, THE school... the only one that I have actually wanted to go to. This is ridiculous. Now I just need to see if I can afford it. Which, unfortuntately, there is a HUGE possiblity that I may not be able to. : ( But at least I got in? We will see...
This past week I've been in New York. I'm actually at the airport right now about to fly to Boston. I'm supposed to be auditioning at NETC this afternoon, but my flight was cancelled, so I had to reschedule for a later flight. I'm not sure if I will be able to make it to my audition now, but I sure am gonna bust my butt trying!
I have had such a fantastic trip thus far. I really don't want to leave the city... and get back to taking 28 very not fun hours of classes when I get home. : ( Ugh, stress.
This past weekend I attended the Intercollegiate Broadcasting Systems Conference in NYC. WMTS sent me. It was a really wonderful conference and I feel like I definitely left it feeling more knowledgeable on certain things. Not to mention the fact that it was incredibly motivating.
Then I stayed with Ryan Chitt, Brian, Austin, and Chris in Harlem. They have a really lovely flat there. Very nice. I had a blast hanging with the boys. Sad to leave.
On Wednesday I had v.i.p. tickets to see Jimmy Fallon. When I interviewed him on WMTS a week and a half ago, he hooked me up and I was able to take Ryan, Alex, and Austin as well. This past week (before I knew anything of Central..) I had pretty much set my heart on moving to the city when I graduate in May, so I've been looking at potential jobs. I contacted Jimmy Fallon's assistant through email a few days before the show to see if she knew anyone I could contact about possible getting a job doing assistant work at NBC. Sure enough, on Wednesday I got a phone call from her saying that she had contact info for me and that she spoke with Jimmy and he wanted to meet up with me after the show... WHA?! So... After the show I got the opportunity to meet up with Jimmy in the greenroom and talk for a while. He showed me around the set and then introduced me to Racheal Harris... who is HILARIOUS... lol. She was like "Hey, call me if you're ever in LA and I'll take ya to the Groundlings".... Yeah, like that would happen. ha! Either way, I had a freaking blast. Jimmy was such a sweetheart...really good guy. Kelly, his assistant, said she would be my referral for a job at NBC, so I'm working on that... We will see.
I also saw some theatre while I was here. Yesterday I went with Austin and Ryan to see "A Life in Three Acts". It had its ups and downs, but was definitely interesting. And last night, we went to see Austin's improv group, Garamond, perform. Very fun! I also got to see "Lenin's Embalmers", a new show Chris was working crew on. It was absolutely fantastic! I love seeing GOOD theatre...especially good new works... which are usually few and far between.
Well, I definitely have a lot of decisions to make within the next month.... Hopefully I can figure it out and make the right decision....What a great spring break this was! Hope I make it to Boston!!!
I just talked to my dad on the phone and he told me I got accepted into the Central School in London... Yes, THE school... the only one that I have actually wanted to go to. This is ridiculous. Now I just need to see if I can afford it. Which, unfortuntately, there is a HUGE possiblity that I may not be able to. : ( But at least I got in? We will see...
This past week I've been in New York. I'm actually at the airport right now about to fly to Boston. I'm supposed to be auditioning at NETC this afternoon, but my flight was cancelled, so I had to reschedule for a later flight. I'm not sure if I will be able to make it to my audition now, but I sure am gonna bust my butt trying!
I have had such a fantastic trip thus far. I really don't want to leave the city... and get back to taking 28 very not fun hours of classes when I get home. : ( Ugh, stress.
This past weekend I attended the Intercollegiate Broadcasting Systems Conference in NYC. WMTS sent me. It was a really wonderful conference and I feel like I definitely left it feeling more knowledgeable on certain things. Not to mention the fact that it was incredibly motivating.
Then I stayed with Ryan Chitt, Brian, Austin, and Chris in Harlem. They have a really lovely flat there. Very nice. I had a blast hanging with the boys. Sad to leave.
On Wednesday I had v.i.p. tickets to see Jimmy Fallon. When I interviewed him on WMTS a week and a half ago, he hooked me up and I was able to take Ryan, Alex, and Austin as well. This past week (before I knew anything of Central..) I had pretty much set my heart on moving to the city when I graduate in May, so I've been looking at potential jobs. I contacted Jimmy Fallon's assistant through email a few days before the show to see if she knew anyone I could contact about possible getting a job doing assistant work at NBC. Sure enough, on Wednesday I got a phone call from her saying that she had contact info for me and that she spoke with Jimmy and he wanted to meet up with me after the show... WHA?! So... After the show I got the opportunity to meet up with Jimmy in the greenroom and talk for a while. He showed me around the set and then introduced me to Racheal Harris... who is HILARIOUS... lol. She was like "Hey, call me if you're ever in LA and I'll take ya to the Groundlings".... Yeah, like that would happen. ha! Either way, I had a freaking blast. Jimmy was such a sweetheart...really good guy. Kelly, his assistant, said she would be my referral for a job at NBC, so I'm working on that... We will see.
I also saw some theatre while I was here. Yesterday I went with Austin and Ryan to see "A Life in Three Acts". It had its ups and downs, but was definitely interesting. And last night, we went to see Austin's improv group, Garamond, perform. Very fun! I also got to see "Lenin's Embalmers", a new show Chris was working crew on. It was absolutely fantastic! I love seeing GOOD theatre...especially good new works... which are usually few and far between.
Well, I definitely have a lot of decisions to make within the next month.... Hopefully I can figure it out and make the right decision....What a great spring break this was! Hope I make it to Boston!!!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
sleep alli
Had my audition last weekend. It went really well! Yay! Unfortunately out of the hundreds to audition, they are only accepting 20 people into the program. Yikes, I know! BUT I am still keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best...because I REALLY want to go to this school....
I'm kind of doing a weird thing-- Most people seem to apply to a TON of grad schools hoping to get into one... Well, as I was narrowing down my top choices, I realized there were only a couple that I really wanted to go to. So I decided that I was either going to audition for these schools and get in and go there... or audition, not make it, and just DO IT. Ya know what I mean? Just forget about school for the moment and just go for it. Move somewhere and audition like crAAzy. Ya know, DOOOOO it. Like Nike. lol.
School has been very hectic to say the least. 28 hours is killing me, but I just keep thinking "it will be worth it eventually??"... and, yes, with the question mark....
I'm kind of doing a weird thing-- Most people seem to apply to a TON of grad schools hoping to get into one... Well, as I was narrowing down my top choices, I realized there were only a couple that I really wanted to go to. So I decided that I was either going to audition for these schools and get in and go there... or audition, not make it, and just DO IT. Ya know what I mean? Just forget about school for the moment and just go for it. Move somewhere and audition like crAAzy. Ya know, DOOOOO it. Like Nike. lol.
School has been very hectic to say the least. 28 hours is killing me, but I just keep thinking "it will be worth it eventually??"... and, yes, with the question mark....
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Snow, Dreams, Yoga, and Auditions...
My goodness, it doesn't seem like it's been two months since I last updated this thing. Time flies, doesn't it?? It's kind of depressing when you think about it... AND at the same time, I'm usually wishing the time would fly. "Gosh, I just wish it were next week. Then I would be done with these two exams and this audition would be over with", yadda yadda yah... I've decided to stop doing this... Live in the moment for the moment, right? We spend our lives always working for something and forget to calm down and relax sometimes... Well, I can't speak for everyone, but I certainly do this often...
Which brings me to a new note-- Whenever I get busy with things, I put other important things at a lower priority... Such as, a big one for me right now-- I've always loved doing yoga. BUT when I get super duper busy, it's the first thing that goes! That's kind of counterproductive, huh?! Not anymore. I have been doing yoga for 9 years now... wow... that's a long time... : / I'm old... Anyways-- I'm not giving it up.
Speaking of "giving it up"... lol... (I just love tying things in together!)... I haven't had any processed sugar this year. Today it will have been an entire month!! Whoa! I know, ONE MONTH, that's not that long... oh, but for me, it is. I'm pretty stoked.
This is an incredibly big week for me... Or month really! This weekend, I'll be heading to Chicago for my audition with the University of London...It's for my Masters in Musical Theatre... I am to say the least incredibly anxious... excited, but nervous.. I had a dream about it last night and it went really well, so that's a good sign, right?? Actually, it was one of those super weird dreams where I was at the audition singing, but I was also traveling through a playground maze-like thing... Dreams can be so weird. Still haven't come to a conclusion of whether they mean anything or not. My dreams do give me dejavu' quite often though?... creeepy...
Sooo-- Headed to Chicago this weekend. Then, on March 5th, I'm headed to New York for the Intercollegiate Broadcasting Systems Conference (it's a radio conference for nerds.. : ) I'm pretty pumped!). After the weekend is over, I'll be staying with Ryan Chitt and his roomies for the week-- gonna audition for some things in the city while I'm there. After that, I'm taking a train to Boston for NETC, the New England Theatre Conference. Lots and lots going on, but I am attempting to not be stressed... hence yoga this morning. : )
WMTS happenings have been quite exciting-- the new website is finally up-- www.wmts.org-- still working on kinks, but it's there! Online streaming is also available there! Yay! Managing the radio station has definitely been keeping me busy... It's funny, too... It seems to be one of the most unrewarding and most rewarding things that I do. Does that make any sense? lol. Being the General Manager, people only seem to come to me whenever something breaks and continuously give me crap for it...when I have already been working my butt off to get it fixed! People don't see that part though. I get crap when bad things happen, but when great things happen, I get nothing. No pat on the back or anything like that... lol.... not that I need that or anything! People could still try to not be so rude sometimes though. Well, I did get a fancy "Outstanding Student" trophy...but still. lol. BUT, as I was saying.. it's also one of the most rewarding things I've done... I know that regardless of whether people recognize the work that I do, that at the end of the day, I know the work that I've done and I can be proud of it. And, in the end, that is what really matters. As long as you know that you've given your all to something, it's okay... because that's how life is always going to be. : ) I'll take it as a lesson learned.
It's been snowing here like craaaazy. Super weird for Tennessee! I went sledding with the boy yesterday.. SOooo much fun! : )
I guess that's a pretty good update on my life at the moment. As far as where I will be in just a few months? Good question... Is it weird that this question excites me?
Which brings me to a new note-- Whenever I get busy with things, I put other important things at a lower priority... Such as, a big one for me right now-- I've always loved doing yoga. BUT when I get super duper busy, it's the first thing that goes! That's kind of counterproductive, huh?! Not anymore. I have been doing yoga for 9 years now... wow... that's a long time... : / I'm old... Anyways-- I'm not giving it up.
Speaking of "giving it up"... lol... (I just love tying things in together!)... I haven't had any processed sugar this year. Today it will have been an entire month!! Whoa! I know, ONE MONTH, that's not that long... oh, but for me, it is. I'm pretty stoked.
This is an incredibly big week for me... Or month really! This weekend, I'll be heading to Chicago for my audition with the University of London...It's for my Masters in Musical Theatre... I am to say the least incredibly anxious... excited, but nervous.. I had a dream about it last night and it went really well, so that's a good sign, right?? Actually, it was one of those super weird dreams where I was at the audition singing, but I was also traveling through a playground maze-like thing... Dreams can be so weird. Still haven't come to a conclusion of whether they mean anything or not. My dreams do give me dejavu' quite often though?... creeepy...
Sooo-- Headed to Chicago this weekend. Then, on March 5th, I'm headed to New York for the Intercollegiate Broadcasting Systems Conference (it's a radio conference for nerds.. : ) I'm pretty pumped!). After the weekend is over, I'll be staying with Ryan Chitt and his roomies for the week-- gonna audition for some things in the city while I'm there. After that, I'm taking a train to Boston for NETC, the New England Theatre Conference. Lots and lots going on, but I am attempting to not be stressed... hence yoga this morning. : )
WMTS happenings have been quite exciting-- the new website is finally up-- www.wmts.org-- still working on kinks, but it's there! Online streaming is also available there! Yay! Managing the radio station has definitely been keeping me busy... It's funny, too... It seems to be one of the most unrewarding and most rewarding things that I do. Does that make any sense? lol. Being the General Manager, people only seem to come to me whenever something breaks and continuously give me crap for it...when I have already been working my butt off to get it fixed! People don't see that part though. I get crap when bad things happen, but when great things happen, I get nothing. No pat on the back or anything like that... lol.... not that I need that or anything! People could still try to not be so rude sometimes though. Well, I did get a fancy "Outstanding Student" trophy...but still. lol. BUT, as I was saying.. it's also one of the most rewarding things I've done... I know that regardless of whether people recognize the work that I do, that at the end of the day, I know the work that I've done and I can be proud of it. And, in the end, that is what really matters. As long as you know that you've given your all to something, it's okay... because that's how life is always going to be. : ) I'll take it as a lesson learned.
It's been snowing here like craaaazy. Super weird for Tennessee! I went sledding with the boy yesterday.. SOooo much fun! : )
I guess that's a pretty good update on my life at the moment. As far as where I will be in just a few months? Good question... Is it weird that this question excites me?
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