This has been quite the trying week for me. Still no status on my loan. I was sitting in my bathtub the other day, drinking pinot noir, smoking a cigarette, wearing red lipstick....okay not really...let's try this again-- I was sitting in the bathtub the other day, drinking my cup of coffee, ya know, the usual... and all of the sudden I just broke down and started bawling my eyes out... A very straight out of a movie kind of thing...This continued for a good five minutes. Then all of the sudden I snapped out of it. Like clockwork really. And I thought "What the heck am I doing?"... I mean, yeah this London stuff is pretty depressing, especially if it doesn't work out... but there is no reason to cry over it. I guess it did feel good though. I don't cry often, so maybe those tears needed to get out of my system....I dunno. But I have decided to not let it get me down again. It's frustrating, but as everyone around me has been saying 'everything happens for a reason'. I just need to figure out the reason for these things. What is the reason for getting accepted to my dream school, or going to NYC for ten days to plan my postgrad move there just to find out in the airport I got into this grad school and the past ten days had been irrelevant...or maybe they aren't? I will figure it all out. Soon enough. I don't really have a choice... My flight is twenty days away.
Maybe I am a bit analytical, but I always wonder about these things... why things happen the way they do. One particular thought on my mind all summer has been regarding the people I've met. Practically living in Nashville all summer, I have met and grown close to so many wonderful people. And I always think 'how did I not meet these awesome people sooner?'... Or is there a reason why I've met them if there is indeed a reason for everything? What am I going to take away from this meeting with this person? When will our paths cross again? If they don't ever, is there some thing that I've learned from this person that will stay with me the rest of my life? I know I'm rambling... but this is really something I think about all the time. I cherish my friendships so much. Even if I am about to leave and potentially not see that person for a long time...or possibly ever again... It is still worth the time put into it. Most of these questions I don't know the answer for, but that is the one thing I do know for sure.
This summer really has been amazing. I always want to blog about the specifics but tend to stick with the general, but if i could explain the day-to-day specifics of my life and the amazing times I have, then maybe the jist would get across. I am lucky. Period. So blessed and so truly thankful for it all. Right after I finished filling my bathtub up with tears the other day, my phone practically blew up... My mom called, my sissy called...several of my friends text me to make sure I was okay. Simply that happening made me feel like a slight fool for crying. Such wonderful people surround me. Blessed is all there is to it.
Off to spend the day at Holiday World with my buddy Eric. Take in the sun and decompress. Not to mention that fact that ROADTRIPS ARE AWESOME! Especially when you've got a good playlist. ;)
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